Fix
by Corvus corone
Summary: A collection of scenes and snippets on a dysfunctional relationship. It's not much and it hurts more than it's worth, but neither of them can let go. Tono/Rui, slash.
1. dysfunctional

_I live in eternal hope that there is at least one other person in the world who ships Tono/Rui, so this is for you. Whoever you are. :P _

**Fix**

**dysfunctional doesn't even begin to describe it**

**x  
**

It hasn't even been that long, but Tono realises that he misses the Academy quite a lot. He looks around the room and is momentarily overwhelmed with nostalgia; he turns away and tries to find the drinks table.

"Getting sentimental, are you?" says a dry voice; Shizune's.

Tono smiles at her, and she scowls back. They'd never gotten along, and it didn't look as if that was about to change now. "Well, I suppose so," he replies. "How are you then, Shizune-sama?"

She gives him a withering look and walks away. Tono snorts under his breath; there goes the only girl who hadn't fallen to his charms. That was alright; she had a good reason.

He'd already caught up with everyone that he wanted to – and besides, he stays in touch just fine with phone calls and infrequent college visits – so maybe there isn't much point staying here. Apart from the free alcohol, perhaps, which he'd already taken advantage of rather a little too well.

He goes into the next room where the drinks are laid out and takes another glass. A sound behind him, laughter? Turning around, he sees him.

Rui looks quietly amused, which is odd – Tono doesn't remember much of him except for crazed bouts of happiness and maybe a few other times which he'd rather not think about right now, but 'understated' is not something that he'd associate with Rui. But there it is, so Tono edges a little backwards, against the table.

"Hi, Akira," says Rui, stepping forwards. Tono moves out of his way and frowns – of course, Rui would be the only person who insisted on calling him that name.

"Tono is fine," he says shortly. He lingers for a moment before turning to leave; well, that's enough of an invitation for Rui.

"Don't go!" says Rui, catching his sleeve. "I haven't seen you for ages… that's what these reunions are for!"

Tono can't quite tell if Rui is being sarcastic or not – after all, Rui knows as well as anyone that there is no-one here glad to see _him_, except maybe that other Dangerous Abilities boy – he grunts something in reply, and shakes his head. "I was just leaving."

Rui pouts, and brushes some of Tono's hair out of his eyes – he flinches and bats Rui's hand away. "Come on, let's talk." He grins at Tono and drags him outside, smoothly taking a bottle of the table as he does so. "Sooo… what've you been up to, then?"

"Nothing much. Economics degree at uni. You?" Tono isn't sure why he's answering, much less why he's letting Rui lead him anywhere. Possibly the most sensible option is to run, but Rui's hand is tight around his wrist and feels like steel when he tries to shift it.

"Some clone of Kuonji is ordering me around again," says Rui, looking out into the dark before them. "At least this time I'm getting paid for it." Tono steals a look at Rui's face in-between discreet efforts to shuffle further away, and he's surprised by how _dangerous_ he looks at that moment. Rui takes a swig from the stolen bottle, and his expression clears.

"Fun," says Tono. Rui moves to sit down on the step; Tono naturally sits beside him.

"Not so much, without you," Rui says, nudging him. "Right? _That_ was fun..."

The memory of the last shared mission with Rui was one of those things that Tono had vowed never to think about. He closes his eyes tight and says, "Rui, let go of my arm."

He hears Rui sigh; is that disappointment? "Drink?" he says hopefully. Tono opens his eyes to see Rui waving the wine bottle barely an inch away from his nose.

"Let go of me," Tono repeats, more out of necessity than discomfort – because taking the bottle would require his right hand to be movable, because he's not so good with using his left hand, especially with drinks that might spill – how drunk _was_ he? "How drunk am I?" he says out loud.

"Did you do anything else this evening _except_ stand guard by the drinks?" Rui says. He's still not letting of Tono, but he does loosen his grip slightly; enough to move his hand down, gliding over Tono's forearm, so that he can intertwine his fingers with Tono's. For his part, Tono tenses – but doesn't move away. Rui smiles.

"Not true! I… talked. With people," he says. "Are we talking?"

Rui looks at him questioningly, and Tono suspects that he's just said something silly but he can't quite work it out. "I think this is what talking is," Rui says.

"As in… you're flirting with me. So it's not talking, really. I think."

Rui laughs and nudges him again. "You're cute when you're drunk. Lightweight much?"

"Amplification Alice."

"That's just an excuse," Rui says. Tono shrugs, brushing Rui's shoulder in the process. He hadn't meant to, but Rui obviously didn't mind.

"S'true. Not my fault," Tono says, not really sure what he's referring to. Rui has somehow moved closer – Tono thinks that they're probably close enough already – and the light from indoors is just strong enough so that he can make out Rui's nose and the line of his brow and lips, and he's pretty. Other thoughts briefly cross Tono's mind, namely that anyone, if they so happened to be looking outside towards them, would have instantly realised what was going on; Rui is much too close to be anything but a love interest.

No, not love. Merely a strange sort of attraction.

"Your Alice affects what you drug your body with? Even smoking?" Rui asks, curious. His right hand has moved to join his other, playing with Tono's fingers; it feels strangely comforting, or maybe that's the fuzzy warmth of the alcohol talking – it's a little embarrassing, really, his inability to hold his drink.

"Okay, I was lying," Tono mumbles. "Shut up." Rui opens his mouth to say something; he's obviously not shutting up, so Tono kisses him because he's pretty and it's a moonbright night and it was bound to happen anyway and he's not talking.

Rui's lips are familiar and soft, slightly parted so that Tono can lazily slip his tongue in between them and kiss him properly, appreciating Rui's enthusiastic response. He's a little disorientated, though, and his balance on the steps is waning – Rui pulls away, somewhat reluctantly, and Tono finds his seating again.

"Sorry," he says. "Were you going to say something?"

Rui raises an eyebrow. "Uh... nothing important."

They sit in silence. Tono isn't sure if it's an _awkward silence_ because his mind feels too shaken and drowsy to work it out. Perhaps it should be, but after all, _he_ was the one who should be awkward – Rui was never awkward, so why couldn't he work it out?

"Want to make out with me again?" Rui asks hopefully after a while.

Tono considers this, and says, "I should go back. It's late." It was true – it was really only Shizune and a couple of others in the hall now, and maybe they had also left in the last few minutes.

"I have a hotel near here," Rui says, and Tono might be imagining the suggestion in his voice, he can't tell.

"Cool." A nod of consent.

The taxi jouney is short and uneventful. The driver glances apprehensively at Rui, who smiles prettily and tosses his dark blond hair and speaks perfect Japanese and whose voice doesn't help much either when it comes to questions of gender – uneventful, because that's how it's always been. Tono leans on Rui in the backseat, and Rui pets his arm. The driver looks at them with even more apprehension. Rui giggles and gets closer; Tono doesn't like this baiting, but he doesn't really feel like doing anything to stop it. Besides, it feels nice.

"Expensive hotel, huh?" says Tono as Rui leads him into an elevator.

"I get paid a lot. Seems like not that many people like doing torture, especially when they're not allowed to leave marks..." Rui says with a sideways glance at Tono. "But let's not talk about that! Can we kiss in the elevator? That's always seemed fun to me..."

"No," Tono says, shaking his head. He's not actually sure what he _does_ want to do or why he had agreed to share a taxi to some random hotel in the middle of Tokyo, except for the fact that going home by himself seems terribly lonely. This is probably a very stupid thing to be doing, but Tono doesn't think he can't tell right now. The elevator slows and Tono feels that familiar hint of nausea as it does so, amplified by his current inebriated state.

"Fine," says Rui, looking slightly disappointed.

The room is close; Rui unlocks the door and shows Tono in, before saying, "Well, what _did_ you want to do then?"

Tono shuts the door and kisses Rui hard, pushing him back against it. Rui seems rather surprised, but soon recovers. No, Tono doesn't know what he's doing but all he can think about at this moment is how much he wants Rui and how Rui usually turns his head to his left when he kisses someone so maybe that's why he was surprised when Tono made him go the other way just now, and god that's a stupid thought. Still, Rui's hands are pressing Tono closer to him rather than pushing him away and Tono wants that too – Tono thinks, this is so very wrong and I'm not gay, so why do I want this so much?

It's a little late to stop, so he doesn't.

x

Rui is on his way home and trying not to think about Tono, because that guy is just irritating when it comes to anything but random one-night stands whenever he feels like it. Of course Tono is the hottest ex-student of the school and of course Rui does enjoy doing sexy stuff with him a lot, but it's still a bit irritating.

Tono is also on his way home and trying to forget every single thing about Rui that he has even known or seen or touched. Or whatever. Because Rui is a creepy bastard and Tono is most emphatically not gay and he does not need to have drunk oral sex with other guys on his mind right now.

x

Rui didn't exactly have friends, but he was reasonably friendly with his fellow Dangerous Ability (ex-)students. Hajime Yakumo was one such person.

"Hi it's Rui!" says Rui on the phone to Hajime.

"Oh," says Hajime. "What?"

"I had sex with Akira Tonouchi!" Rui says, bouncing (though Hajime couldn't see that part).

"What?" says Hajime again.

"Me. And Akira."

"You're joking," Hajime says. There's a pause. "Really?"

"After the reunion party, at my hotel room. Blow job," Rui explains, still with that note of glee in his voice.

"I wasn't at the party."

"Yeah, I know. But yeah. I just wanted to tell you!"

"Great." Another pause. "This is unfair."

"And he gave me a hand job at the end of last term," continues Rui.

"How come you get _Tono_ and I can't even get a girl to look at me?"

"I think it's the bandages," says Rui fairly and not very comfortingly.

x

Why does lying in the arms of a possibly psychopathic sadist of indeterminate gender (though he definitely has a penis) feel even the slightest bit _comforting_? It shouldn't. It really, really shouldn't.

It seems to happen quite a lot, like a regular cycle. Tono wakes up next to Rui and vows never to do stupid stuff like that again. A few weeks or months pass. Tono suddenly decides to take a trip down to Rui's flat, ends up in Rui's bed and the cycle returns to its start.

Plus, he has a proper girlfriend now. He really does like Kana, really – not like those other short-lived girlfriends who were more like passing acquaintances that he was allowed to make out with – he really does like Kana. She's smart, funny, beautiful (the guys pointed out that her mouth was a bit large when she laughed and that she keeps chewing pencils, but Tono doesn't think that those are bad things) and does Business Studies so they have more things in common than a mutual let's-get-naked factor.

This time, when he leaves, every single part of his insides hurts with the thought of cheating on her. He struggles with his thoughts all the way home, and all the way through everything.

Kana knows that Tono is an Alice. She knows that he went to a special school for Alices for his teenage years. She knows that he's quite the flirt, and that he's had several girlfriends in the past and that he has some history of cheating, smoking and drinking. She doesn't care (Alices have nothing to do with them right now, he always comes running back to her anyway, it's not like she's perfectly innocent in that respect either, and unlike him she's never quit the cigarettes). He's a genuinely nice person, and she knows that he could never do anything to hurt her. So she doesn't understand why he's so guarded about some of the past (he seems so easygoing that it's hard to spot, but she can tell when he's hiding something), or why he looks so tortured this week. She hopes he hasn't found some other girl to fall in love with. Still, she wouldn't even mind _that_ so much if he'd just talk about it with her.

She doesn't know that he's helped to torture people, that he's been part of undercover government missions, been to the hidden depths of the Academy's darkness – thankfully, he's only ever skimmed the surface of that life. Maybe that's why he's drawn to Rui, who breathes that darkness like life itself.

x

"Hi Akira!" says Rui as he bursts gleefully into Tono's dorm room. Tono looks at him with disbelief.

"What the... what are you doing here?" he hisses, shutting the door.

"Since you always come to my place, I've never come to yours! So I decided to come down here and surprise you," he says, grinning madly.

Of course, with Rui there was no way of telling whether he really meant that and only that, or if there were a few other things behind it. Tono has long decided that there isn't much point in trying to work out what Rui's really thinking, so he usually just plays along.

"Great," he says distractedly. "Uh... yeah."

"Uh... yeah? Aren't you pleased to see me? You could at least act a bit more enthusiastic!" Rui says, still grinning and pulling Tono down onto the bed. "Hey, are you rooming with someone?"

"... Do you _see_ another bed here?"

"No... they could be sleeping on the floor or something! Or even..."

"No," Tono says firmly. Rui shouldn't be here, it's not right, he shouldn't...

"What's wrong?" Rui says.

"Nothing." But there _is_ something wrong, isn't there? Rui is his private weakness, and for him to be out here where the rest of his life is – maybe, thinks Tono, he's never quite realised that Rui is a real person.

"Cool," Rui says, not really caring, and kisses him happily and greedily.

Tono closes his eyes and says, "Not here."

**x**

_A/N: Hey, fandom. Guess how long this has been in storage? One and a half years. It hasn't been edited since then either, so I'm going to apologise for the pile of batcrap that this is. Yes, ok, this might just ruin my whole writing reputation and so what. If it makes even just one person happy to find this fic - good for them! That's why I decided to post this stuff when I cleaned out my fanfiction folder today instead of sending it straight to the Recycle Bin (or as it is called on my laptop, Natsume's Brain. Because it is full of rubbish)._

_This fic is a collection of bits and pieces from various Tono/Rui-centric scenes that were never finished. I have rather a lot of these, so there will be one or two more installments. Get ready for more._


	2. decisions

_This is a pretty huge chapter compared to the first, because I want to get this over and done with._

**but you wouldn't have it any other way**

**x  
**

Tono picks up the phone and says, "Hello?"

A voice answers him with, "Hi, is this Rui?"

Tono takes the phone away from his ear and looks at it. Yep, this is the wrong phone. "Uh, no. Rui's left his phone here. He's out. Who is this, anyway?"

"Shizune," says the mysterious voice. "Who is_ this_? Wait, _Tonouchi_?"

"Er... yeah," says Tono, wincing.

"What are _you_ doing with Rui's phone?"

"What are _you_ doing with Rui's phone number?" says Tono defensively. "I didn't know you guys even knew each other's names!"

"I could say the same thing about you," says Shizune wryly. "In my case, we used to be friends. I have his phone number. Happy?"

"Sure," says Tono, a bit confused. "Yeah. Why are you calling?" he asks with suspicion.

"Reunion party number three," Shizune says. "Don't worry, you'll get an invite too. It just happens that Amane is before Tonouchi in the alphabetical list."

"Yeah, I know," snaps Tono. Why does Shizune always have to be so sharp with him?

"But what's really much more interesting is why you are apparently sharing a flat with Rui, am I right?"

"My uni doesn't provide accommodation past the first year," says Tono.

"Right... so you're sleeping with Rui?"

"What?" says Tono automatically.

"You'd make a... an interesting couple," she says with a hint of a snort in it.

"We're not a couple!"

Shizune doesn't say anything for a few seconds. "Okay, but you're sleeping together. I guess Rui isn't too overjoyed about this arrangement."

"Shut up!" hisses Tono. "We are _not_ sleeping together!" Now she's being annoying on purpose.

"Would it be too much if I put this on Facebook?"

And this, thinks Tono, is exactly why they'd never got on at school. He hangs up. He realises afterwards that a "no comment" reply is probably as good as a "yes" for Shizune.

x

Shizune doesn't put anything on Facebook, but she does talk to Rui for a bit when he calls her back. Tono hopes she didn't say anything stupid to him too. He's already thought about possible methods of revenge on Shizune for generally being an irritating person, but seeing as she's already set her Facebook status to being openly gay with a girlfriend in the picture, there's not much he can do in the way of that. In fact, she'd probably turn _that_ into something against him with sarcastic wit too. How very Shizune-like.

x

Tono was in the middle of an "intimate moment" with Rui when the door opened.

Okay, it wasn't _that_ bad. Just a quick kiss on the sofa while waiting for the TV to get off the adverts.

"Ack, don't go in," said Tsubasa, quickly shutting the door again. "Tono's got some girl in there," Tono heard him say to his companion.

Um. Well. "What kind of person barges into someone's house without even knocking?" Tono muttered as he got up, panicked for a few seconds and mentally ran through his options, starting with no.1: stuff Rui in a cupboard and pretend nothing happened. Rui himself looked a little confused.

"What just happened? Who's that outside? Wait..." he frowned in concentration. "Curse-mark-star-shape-TSUBASA!" he squealed (that really was the only way to describe it) as Tono groaned.

"...being such an immature idiot and- _what_? Someone just said your name! Who was that?" said Misaki's voice from the corridor.

"Huh?" said Tsubasa. He knocked on the door.

"You'd better let us in or else I'll make sure no girl's going to even _look_ at you for the next two months," said Misaki, somehow judging Tono's mood through a solid piece of wood.

"Aren't you going to do what she says?" said Rui, practically bouncing with glee.

Fine.

Tono opened the door and waited for hell to fall on his head.

"HI TSUBASA!" cried Rui, grinning like a maniac.

Tsubasa didn't reply. He didn't even move.

"Uh... I think he's gone catatonic," ventured Tono as Misaki waved a hand in front of his eyes a few seconds later.

"Aww," said Rui, leaping up and attempting to take advantage of Tsubasa's lack of movement. That was enough of a trigger to snap Tsubasa out of it.

"What. The. Hell," started Tsubasa, and was forced to stop as he backed into a wall and so couldn't move any further away from Rui. "Misaki, beat him up for me!"

"Sure thing," muttered Misaki, tripping Rui up with a casual flick of her foot. Another Misaki sat on the now prostrate Rui.

"-Is this creep doing here?" finished Tsubasa as Rui mumbled, "...not very nice," from underneath Misaki v. 2, who said, "Isn't it pretty obvious?"

Tono decided not to answer those questions for now, because the big question burning in _his_ mind was more like, "What the hell are _you_ guys doing here?"

Hmm. This conversation seemed very much like the one with Shizune.

"We wanted to visit you. Shizune told us your address," said Misaki, narrowing her eyes. "Since you didn't tell anyone else about this little affair, it seems."

"How... what..." spluttered Tsubasa, who seemed to have only just grasped the true meaning of the situation. Both Misakis looked at him pityingly.

Oh yeah, another point on the "Why Shizune Should Die" list.

"For one thing, that's private information and Shizune is an irritating bitch," said Tono. "And... yeah."

"What d'you mean_, and yeah_? You're in a secret gay relationship with _Rui_ and you don't _tell_ anybody!" said Misaki. Tsubasa made a choking kind of sound behind her. Misaki ignored him.

"That _is_ the point of it being secret," said Tono weakly.

Misaki gave him a withering look. Rui made a sound like a strangled cat and said, "GetoffmeIcan'tbreathe."

The clone looked at Tsubasa, sighed, and disappeared.

"That's better," said Rui, getting up and looking murderously at Misaki. She didn't notice, as she was back to waving hands in front of Tsubasa and poking him hard to try and get a response.

"But... what... but..."

"Maybe you should go. Like, _now_," Tono said, pushing Tsubasa in the direction of the door. "Hopefully we'll have forgotten all about this next week," he added under his breath.

"How the... I want to forget but I can't!" Tsubasa managed to gasp as he passed through the doorway.

"I'm coming back," Misaki said, fixing Tono with an eye full of evil before following Tsubasa.

"Bye," said Rui dejectedly.

x

Misaki didn't come back straight away. It was about a week before she knocked at Tono's door and again forced her way in with much the same tactics as the last time. Tono was baffled by how easily these angry vicious threats seemed to come to Misaki.

"So. Tell me exactly what's going on with you and Rui," she said – or rather, ordered – as she sat down in an armchair.

"Nothing!" said Tono, almost making it sound believable.

"Right," she said slowly. "Do you want to do this the hard way or the easy way? The hard way involves a few minutes of crotch bashing followed by a bit of fun with razors. Fun for me, that is."

"Jeez, you don't always have to be so violent, you know," muttered Tono. "I can't understand what Tsubasa sees in a girl as sadistic as you."

Misaki snorted. "Yeah, you're one to talk. Who is it that you're screwing, now?"

"Ha. Ha. Funny." Though, _technically_...

"So hey. What's going on?"

"Nothing! Like I said! Except..."

"Yeah?" said Misaki as she fixed him with a glare intimidating enough to stop a charging rhino in its path.

Tono sighed. "Stuff happened at the end of school, etcetera etcetera but it's not a relationship. That's it." Wait, why is he saying this?

Misaki raised an eyebrow. "So... it's been almost three years and it's not a relationship?"

"It's not like I have _feelings_ for him or anything!"

"How about the other way round?"

"Don't think so," said Tono, shrugging. "Seriously, it's nothing big."

"Nothing big? Don't you have a girlfriend right now? Kanata or something?"

"What is with this interview barrage? And yes, it was Kana, but we broke up. Happy now?"

Misaki sat back but didn't say anything. Tono crossed his arms and wondered how much pain she'd put him through if he tried to kick her out of the apartment.

"Well, you have been screwing around with him for roughly ten times longer than any of your other girlfriends," she said after a while, looking at him through narrowed eyes.

"Random, non-committed, non-emotional sex!" Tono said defensively.

"And it's not that I actually like Rui as a friend or anything, but... it seems a bit harsh on the guy," she continues.

"_Your_ boyfriend wouldn't agree," muttered Tono. "He's pure evil!"

"Whatever," says Misaki in an "I-couldn't-care-less" tone. "Sort yourself out. This is just a heads-up."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, you're a bloody idiot if you don't get yourself out of this heap of denial right now!"

"What?"

Misaki rolled her eyes before getting up and picking up her bag. "See you," she said as she opened the door. "Oh hey, so would you call yourself gay or bisexual?"

"Straight, actually," grumbled Tono.

"Because it seems like it would be kinda fun to say to people, 'Remember that completely man-slut Tono who was here a while back? Yeah, he's gay.' "

"Shut up. Go away. _Goodbye_."

x

Tono is really, really not in a relationship with Rui. Really. A relationship means actual human emotions, which Tono most emphatically _does not share_ with Rui. Random sex every once in a while doesn't count.

It was never anything serious, anyway. It's not like they've ever made a commitment or anything real like that – Tono is pretty sure that he wouldn't care if Rui made out with other boys (well, if it was someone like Tsubasa or Shuichi or whatever, he might care a little _little_ bit – but only because those are people he knows, of course), so he shouldn't have to feel guilty when he's kissing other girls. Or guys. So he doesn't. Feel guilty, that is.

Tono's perfect girlfriend isn't completely set in stone, but Rui isn't going to fit that mould. Number one: he's not actually a girl. (Okay, Tono has got past the point when that was weird for him – he doesn't particularly mind if he's going to be bi (if Rui even counts as a guy, that is); it's surprising, but doing it with Rui feels almost _normal_.) Two: he's a sadistic creep torturing suspects for the secret service who likes to stalk younger boys and is probably severely emotionally crippled from a horrific childhood. (That's quite a lot of negativity.) Three: isn't all that stuff in number two enough? (Enough brackets, at least.)

But sometimes he forgets all of that, because having Rui cuddling up next to him on the couch with his dark blond hair tickling his nose and his lips moving softly on his neck and his arms wrapped tightly around his waist makes something stir quietly inside Tono's chest. It's strange, because Rui is not usually so gentle – most things with Rui involve pain and an almost brutal excitement. Tono thinks that maybe he likes that too.

But they are not in a relationship, dammit.

x

"Are you still with Tonouchi?" says Shizune down the phone.

"Now what?" says Rui, sighing very audibly and Shizune can almost see him rolling his eyes. "We were having a nice conversation just now! And I can sense the advice-filled lecture that you're going to give me in two seconds... or so... ish."

"Nothing," she says. "Just that he's a prick when it comes to relationships, so if he's giving you trouble then there's no point waiting around for it."

"Yeah, yeah," says Rui who is not really listening. Back in the days where he and Shizune had been like best buddies, he'd trained himself to zone out automatically whenever an advice-filled lecture was coming up.

"-not listening, are you? Still-"

"Great yes I agree totally! Have a great day! Bye!"

He puts down the phone.

x

"Maybe it's not worth it," says Hajime over his drink.

Rui pouts. "Are you going to give me the agony aunt pep talk too? Seriously, I'm fine."

"How long are you going to wait before you realise that this is all a waste of time? It's been more than three years."

"Okay, okay! You said this last year as well! I get it, but I don't need help. So... how's Mina?"

"Good. Stop changing the subject."

"There's nothing to talk about!" protests Rui. "You know, Shizune was all over this too when she called last week. What is it with you guys?"

"All I ever hear about Tono is how annoying it is that he doesn't appreciate anything about you, how it's stupid that you can't even hug him in public without him freezing and slapping you, how he's even got an 'official' girlfriend while he can't even admit that you exist..."

"She got dumped," Rui muttered. "I think."

"Still," said Hajime, "maybe it's not worth it." He takes a mouthful of his beer.

"It's fine," Rui says. There's a silence. "Okay, yes, it is annoying! But it's not like there's anything I can do about it."

"Kick him out," says Hajime. "That's easy."

"But I do like it when it's just us here... We cuddle and everything," says Rui, looking at the ceiling thoughtfully. "It's not always like that!"

"Still."

Rui looks at him, eyes suddenly cold. "Look, it's hard enough being gay in Japan to begin with, without having the whole 'abusive childhood' and 'government torturer' and I don't even know anymore, but I bet there's something about having this shit Alice and, I dunno, hair! When you find someone else who might possibly be interested in all of that, tell me!"

"... what?"

"... actually, ignore that last part... I like my Alice... but still! It's better than nothing at all! So please, just butt out of it, okay?"

Hajime spreads his hands in defeat. Rui's mood swings are scary even when anger isn't involved.

"Anyway," Rui continues cheerfully, taking a gulp of beer, "what were you saying about Hayate?"

x

a) Mikan can't remember who Rui is, so the others remind her of the time when they went to the Hanahime dungeons. She gives a squeak of recognition and says, "Oh! Cool! In a really weird way..."

b) Natsume raises his eyebrow, remembers that time when their lesbian kiss saved his ass in that mission, and says, "Poor Rui. Having that pervert shoved on him." But he's secretly a little happy. At least Tono is safely out of the way.

c) Hotaru wishes that she could have gotten hold of this information sooner – this sounds like prime blackmail material. Still, the irony of this relationship is so delicious that it's enjoyable all the same.

d) Luca doesn't know what to make of it. He suspects that it's all a big joke, because it just sounds too silly to be true.

e) When the gossip reaches Narumi, it keeps a permanent smile on his face for the next week or so. Hehe.

f) Misaki laughs, because it looks like her visit worked.

g) Tsubasa is in shock. It will take a month before someone can mention Tono's name without a relapse.

"Tono! And that Rui!" says Tsubasa, who seems to be choking a little.

"Yeah, cool, get over it already," mutters Misaki. It was fun at first, but now it's just getting annoying.

"I am never visiting him again! Ever!"

"What, because he's a bit gay?"

"No, because it's _Rui_! Look what that paedophile did to me!" He gestures wildly at the last remaining star mark on his cheek. "Tono would probably screw anything as long he could flirt with it, so I was almost expecting that, but _Rui_!"

"Well, everyone has their own messed up relationships," says Misaki, shrugging. "Tono probably deserves him."

"... yeah," says Tsubasa. "Pervert. But... at least he never tried to hit on _me_! Or terrorise me into going to Central Town with him against my will or randomly torture me whenever he felt like it because it was apparently cute when I had my "in pain" expression on!"

"Cool," says Misaki.

x

He might have told Hajime to butt out a few weeks ago, but Rui is thinking about it. He hasn't seen Tono for a week – either he's out crashing at a new girlfriend's place and conveniently forget to tell Rui, or he's invented a working invisibility cloak. Hmm... Rui shakes his head. Now is completely _not_ the time to be thinking about invisibility cloaks!

Anyway, the point was that Tono was nowhere to be found and wasn't picking up his mobile either. Rui suspected that he was actually on Tono's blacklist, because –no-one could reject calls _that_ quickly... it was all rather irritating.

So when the door opened at 3am, Rui was ready for him. It felt good to curse freely again (supervised jobs were never quite as fun), especially with Tono's wide-eyed look of surprise as the tattoo-like mark fastened itself around his neck. Rui was slightly surprised, himself – he'd never cursed Tono before (okay, maybe once or twice or ten times, but those were accidents) and he couldn't remember why he hadn't or oh hey what did he just say?

"What the hell?" said Tono. "Fuck, this hurts!"

"Where the hell were you?" Rui said, his irritation returning quickly. He mentally poked the curse mark, causing Tono to yelp and say, "Seriously, what the hell?"

"Yeah?"

"At the Academy," growls Tono, rubbing his neck. "Get this off me!"

"What? Your new girlfriend lives in Central Town?"

"No," says Tono slowly. "I was visiting friends. Tsubasa. Misaki. Them lot."

Rui eyebrows rise at the mention of Tsubasa. Oh, but he's probably just lying again anyway. Never mind. "Right. Well, I was just going to tell you – I'm going to kick you out."

"You what?"

"It's something I've been thinking about," Rui announces, "and I've come to a conclusion. As nice as it is to have you here every two months or whenever you remember where you live, it's getting really annoying. So. You're getting kicked out."

"...Wha?"

"Good night!" says Rui, kissing him and remembering to take off the curse. Tono blinks and doesn't say anything.

x

It's 5:16am when Tono quietly creeps into Rui's room and then spoils it by crashing into a table leg and cursing loudly.

"What's the time?" mumbles Rui to himself. "It can't be ten already... I swear I changed my alarm..."

"Sorry!" says Tono, rubbing his foot.

"Where's my- what? Akira?" He makes an attempt at sitting up and hugging him – or something – and doesn't quite make it.

"I thought you were kicking me out," says Tono, half laughing at him. He gets in the bed, shifting up close to Rui, who smiles into his lips.

"Oh yeah!" he says, pulling away. "So why did you come in then? And without even my encouragement? And yes, I am. Totally. When my real alarm goes off."

"Misaki Harada lectured me for two days straight," Tono admits after a few seconds. "Then she locked me in a cellar for the next five days – well, it wasn't exactly a cellar, but still – until, I quote, 'you've either thought it through or you've signed the permission slip for me to sell your balls on eBay'."

"Huh?"

"I like you," Tono says. "I don't know why the hell I would. But-"

Rui kisses him because this is rather like a nice dream and if he doesn't do anything now then he might wake up. And be annoyed by his alarm all over again. Tono finishes that sentence with, "mmm sortf mrnin brth," into Rui's mouth, and when Rui stops to take a breath, he says, "And I dunno, maybe more than just that. I mean, this has been going on for a stupidly long time..."

"A really stupidly long time," mutters Rui.

"... so yeah." He takes a breath. Closes his eyes. "Want to be my boyfriend? Like, properly. Not just whatever shit we had going on before."

Rui stares at him in the darkness, a little confused, before saying to himself, "... why does Hajime always convince me to do these things at the most coincidental times?"

"Shut up," Tono says without bothering to wonder about what Rui just said. One of his hands moves itself to touch Rui a little more intimately – Rui feels too sleepy to do this properly, but he doesn't exactly want to stop him either, so Tono will just have to make do without reciprocation for now.

"Cool," mumbles Rui. "Sorry. I'm tired."

Tono has hardly finished before Rui is asleep for good, tickling Tono's face with blond and black strands of hair with every breath. Tono sighs and wonders what he's got himself into now.

x

Rui is

pain all over and broken every way there is. They say, you are what your Alice makes you, and Rui is his pain. He's anger and malice and dark thoughts of torture, a sadist who cares nothing for other people spare the fun of cruelty – does he even know that they are other people? His childhood has been nothing but hate and Curses, no love, no family; it's hardly surprising that he's edging on psychopathic.

prettier than any girl Tono's seen. Rui doesn't say and Tono doesn't know if he's genuinely transgendered or if it's all just for fun, but he likes it when people call him Tono's girlfriend – maybe he just enjoys correcting them.

hopelessly in love, because Tono is seriously messed up when it comes to relationships, and if Rui – the most fucked up person in this place – can think that, it must be bad.

X

_A/N: If this feels desperately broken up and in need of editing and/or a beta to rewrite it for me, it's because it is. Since this was never supposed to be a published fic to begin with, let alone a coherent story, it shouldn't be that surprising! :P Anyway yeah, that's the end of Gakuen Alice fanfiction for me - wow this is a weird last fic to end on - see ya ;). Wait, I said this a year ago, didn't I? Wtf am I doing back here again? _

_Don't answer that; I don't know either. Please do leave a review if you want to continue a Tono/Rui squeefest (or Narumi/Misaki, or discuss the elaborate mechanics of crackfic) and I'll try to keep up with PMs. :D_


	3. daybreak

_a/n at bottom!_

**because in the end that's all you are**

**x**

The Special class, he finds out on his second day in the Academy, is the class for "rejects" and "weirdos" (although it's better than the Dangerous class, because that's for "freaks" and "psychos"). As a result, he spends the next few years being the class reject, the angry loner in the corner who takes it out on the younger Special kids instead.

But he cheers up, after a while, and deals with it. He has an entire harem of Central Town girls to seduce, after all.

It's still difficult.

He becomes the Class President of the Specials, and he's actually rather proud of his little group of rejects and how he's leading them, even if there are no other Special Ability students in his year group anyway. Somewhere along the way, they'd become his family – well, he'd never admit that, because Andou would never let him live it down. It's disappointing that he'd never feel that way with anyone in his year group; the other Class Presidents don't seem to take him seriously, not on their level, and nor do many others.

But joking around with Misaki (and being beaten up by her doubles afterwards), letting Mikan's smile brighten up his day, teasing Tsubasa about the most obvious crush in the history of the Academy... that was enough.

Tono was a model student, even if he did have a track record for keeping strange foreign girls on holiday to Central Town in his room at odd hours. He'd mastered control and his eggplant-shaded Stones easily, especially considering his late entry into the school. His powers were unusual, and potent enough to be considered for the trickier missions.

No-one envied the Dangerous Ability class, even when they didn't know what exactly it was that they did. The first time Tono was taken with them on a mission, he vomited non-stop for rest of the evening after being returned to his room. It was not so much the task itself, he thought to himself – he'd heard horror stories of the Dangerous students torturing and murdering Academy rivals, although he'd written them off as being silly speculation, so maybe it wasn't so shocking that those stories were true. No, it was the fact that they were _other students_, unlucky teenagers who'd been taught that _life was always like this. _He'd known Rui and Hajime before from passing conversation and wondering sideways glances, and everyone had heard of the Black Cat and the Ice Princess from the years below, but... they were people. Children. A toddler being trained to kill men. This couldn't be right, couldn't be real.

He was never a full part of the Dangerous Ability class, and they'd never quite treated him as if he were. He counted himself lucky. It was terrible work they did, but they coped... sometimes Tono could even understand; those times when Matsudaira waxed lyrical about Cool Blue Sky, Hyuuga showing a shred of emotion when he worried about Youichi and Nobara, Hajime a surprisingly good conversational partner, and those times when Rui flirted and teased and touched and insinuated that Tono wanted it.

Maybe he did.

x

Tono has issues

because he needs to stop this spiralling descent, because while he likes to indulge in harmless flirting he knows it should never have gone this far, and he can already feel Misaki's disapproving glare when he kisses another stranger in another strange bed

because he's never really thought about his attraction to male bodies before, and while Rui can and often does pass for a woman, Tono doesn't really like to dwell upon the fact that his body is not – Tono isn't comfortable with this new identity at all, no matter how indescribably arousing it is to feel Rui hard through his clothes or how exciting his inevitable fantasies of other men are

because it's hard finding friends; he's an Alice, and they treat him differently when they find out – there's a freedom in talking about the missions, the classes and the intricacies of their powers that comes only rarely; while embarrassing at first, he says more freely now that Tsubasa, Misaki and the rest of the Special Class are his closest and perhaps only friends

because he knows that Rui is a little bit screwed up from a lifetime of being Dangerous, of being able to hurt with a single thought and a dark curse and enjoying it too, and that trying to get so close to him is not going to be healthy

because he knows that Rui is more than that, he's been the caring big sister to his class, smiling and cheering them on through life's hardships; he's looked after and loved Nobara just as Tono had done for Mikan; he's confident and brushes off the despair with no effort at all (or so it seems), so how can Tono dare to drag him through all this shit when he deserves more than that

because he'd told himself that he needs to quit this smoking for the last few years and he hasn't, so he's a fucking weak-willed addict that just can't let go and live without these things

because sometimes there really is no way out.

x

Some days, Rui doesn't think about Tonouchi at all. He's out on a mission, now 'employed' by the government – employed is a loose word, since he's been told that officially he doesn't actually exist, much less have a job – or he's being paraded abroad with his Alice, happily showing off what he can do and the pain he can cause, or he's doing his job.

He doesn't remember what it was like not to have his Alice. Maybe there was never such a time. His Alice is himself – cruel, unyielding and a constant obvious reminder of sadism and torture. He is always his Alice, but sometimes he is even more his Alice, and in those times he doesn't need to think about anything else.

Life is a lot more enjoyable when you can laugh at the pain you caused, and not the pain that someone causes you.

x

Tono can't help being reminded about Rui. It's probably his own damn fault – why doesn't he just rent a flat of his own, maybe share it with some other non-psychotic people, move on with his life? He makes half-hearted attempts to shake off this lo- he internally winces at the thought of the L word, and replaces it with "stupid fucked up obsession". Although, he has to admit, he is not really that obsessed. It's just that he doesn't have enough self-control to get himself out of this situation.

What was he saying? Oh yeah, his half-hearted attempts. He spends most of his nights in other people's beds; he thinks vaguely of Kanata, who broke up with him because he just wouldn't_ talk _even after he admitted that she wasn't the only person he'd had sex with in the last month. He thinks of the one-night-only deals he's made do with since, and before, and wonders whether he should feel ashamed of himself. Even then, when he's fumbling with yet another (very female-bodied) just-met acquaintance, his mind drifts to _that last time ever, I swear_ with Rui, and it seems his thoughts just won't let him let go.

He knows he has a problem.

x

Rui likes being the one to fuck him – metaphorically, if not always literally – to leave scars and reminders and invade Tono with his darkness. It's not always like this; sometimes Rui likes the quiet comfort of lying together lazily curled up with a film, in the rare moments where Rui has had too much of sadism that day and where Tono has given his screwed-up mental hang-ups a rest for a few hours.

Tono doesn't really tell Rui things that much. He says a lot of things, but he rarely means them. When he does, though, it's something Rui has never known that he craved – to hear Tono admit that he wants Rui to dominate him, to hurt him like that, and then set the rules and words for next time. He doesn't like to be possessed, but he wants to be punished. Figures, Rui says. No-one can hurt like Rui can. No-one else can do that for him, none of those other girls, Rui thinks. Otherwise he would know. He bites and draws blood so that those other girls would see. He's never cursed Tono, though, and strangely he's never thought about doing it.

x

"Admit it, Tonouchi. You actually give a fuck about him, don't you?" says Misaki, narrowing her eyes. "And if you say no, then I will lock you in this room until... forever, I guess."

"But-" starts Tono, and Misaki cuts him off.

"Come on! I'm doing this for your own good. Probably."

"Probably?"

"I had to call Shizune for some Alice Gakuen organising thing, and she mentioned Rui. And you. And told me that I should probably think about talking to you, since she, for some strange reason, thinks we're best friends."

_That arrghrughfjgh_. "Why does she keep interfering with my _life_?!" he said. "That's just great. So what is it?"

"I just said, dumbass. Talk about your... _feelings_. I realise it must be strange for you, since you are a complete man-whore who has probably waved goodbye to _feelings_ about a decade ago, but just try it."

"You seem kinda vicious today," said Tono, giving her a slightly worried look. He'd only stayed for the night, and she and Tsubasa had seemed perfectly happy yesterday. "What's up? Something the matter?"

"Yup," said Misaki. "Your turn first, though."

"Is it something Tsubasa did?"

"Your turn first!" she growled.

"Well," said Tono, and paused. "Well... no. I am definitely not in love with him, he is a sadistic and scary weirdo and... huh, yeah."

"Okay, you're getting locked up. Tell me when you've either thought it through or you've signed the permission slip for me to sell your balls on eBay," said Misaki, sighing and getting up.

"What? No, wait!" shouted Tono, but it was too late. Misaki had moved faster than he'd ever thought possible and was now looking at him from the other side of a locked door. "What the hell? You can't just leave me like this! I'll starve!"

He didn't starve, but he did get pretty bored. Luckily Misaki had left her unlocked laptop in her room for him to browse the Internet on. How do you even lock yourself _inside_ a room, anyway?

x

"Hey Harada, I've found your porn stash!" he called through the door.

"The hell?" said Misaki, opening the door.

"Just joking."

"Oh," said Misaki, and was that _relief_ on her face? "What?" she said when Tono continued to stare at her.

"Oh, nothing. You just looked like you were hiding something."

"Shut up." She slapped him with the magazine she was reading. "Oh yeah, so is there anything you... want to talk about?"

"Um... no?" said Tono.

x

"Hey, Misaki," said Tono, yawning. It was the fourth evening that he'd spent trapped in this room, and he thought that he should probably get out before it was too late and Misaki assimilated him into her clone army. "Can I talk to you about something?"

Misaki struggled with the impulse to mock-gasp in shock and say something witty about the absurdity of Tono wanting to actually talk about something unrelated to either hot girls, hot guys (even if he does always have a slight tinge of awkwardness whenever he admits to that side of his tastes) or indeed the idea of hotness in general. "Uh... yeah, sure. What is it?"

"Well," he said, an echo of the first morning, "... you were probably right about Rui. He's a... he's a decent guy to his friends, I suppose, even if he is a secret government torturer."

"He is?" said Misaki, her eyebrows shooting up.

"I don't think there's much else he can do," he said apologetically. It is a big deal. But he doesn't want to deal with that now.

"... yeah," said Misaki.

"But," started Tono, and then stopped.

"Yeah?" Her eyebrows were still raised.

"I was thinking," said Tono slowly, "that I should probably tell him that I'm in love with him. Even though it's really stupid and he's a weird freaky bastard."

"That's great! I knew you would do it." Misaki beamed at him, and then said, less approvingly, "Weird freaky bastard?"

"He is, though."

"... Yeah, I suppose so."

x

It is great, probably, maybe. It's like... it's like a great black fog has just lifted and in its place is... a new black fog filled with curse marks, probably. Tono shakes his head. He means, in its place is a new path forward – no, not new, a very old path that he'd forgotten how to take the first step on.

Of course he loves Rui. It's obvious, and silly, and completely blindingly obvious as he supposes it was to Misaki and Shizune and Kana and everyone who he's kept in contact with. It's a terrible kind of love, because while Rui _can_ be caring, bright and frilly, he's more often dark and terrible, and he forgets that when he hurts other people it's as bad for them as for him when he hurts himself. He's an Alice whose speciality is crueller even than Persona's straightforward clouds of death, and he's an androgynous, beautiful, vicious mess all of his own that Tono will never be able to understand, and has only barely begun to accept that he could love.

But... on those good days, in the drowsy mornings spent laughing at Tono's bed hair and modelling pretty dresses, it's always been too easy for Tono to slip up and, between kisses and struggles, admit that he enjoys this time spent. On the bad days, because not even Rui can be completely heartless, not even if he's spent countless hours and years hurting and killing on orders, sometimes with Tono amplifying at his side; on the bad days, perhaps working through it alone is not the best way to go. (On the medium-ish days, the angry-but-not-too-angry sex is pretty memorable too.)

He probably should have realised this about two years ago.

... better late than never, right?

x

The worst times are when he's visiting the Academy; business in Central Town usually, sometimes other events in the main school buildings. It's... it's the way that people keep glancing at them when they think Tono isn't looking, the way that everyone recognises a Dangerous Alice. It wouldn't be so bad if they just came right out and confronted him, or stared obviously – then Tono would be fine confronting them right back or punching them for being so fucking rude.

But they don't. It's usually because Rui scares them. Tono thinks they are wiser than he is.

And he also thinks he can hear the thoughts that follow him, too many to count and too much to face. Maybe a year ago he would have tried.

Well, no. That is wrong – a year ago, he would have covered up and hidden, deflecting his fears and ignoring his truths. He'd safely stored them behind countless layers of self-denial and lies, after all. Anything else was just a rumour – couldn't they see him, Tono? Didn't they know him (didn't they know those layers were meant to be believed in)? He was popular, remember; he was well-adjusted, hardly even an Alice at all; he was _normal_. Wouldn't it be silly to think otherwise?

The silly thing, he thinks, is the illusion that an Alice like him could be _normal_ to begin with.

Then he turns round and Rui wraps his arms around him; Tono doesn't even think about it (otherwise he wouldn't have done it) before he brings Rui's pretty face towards his for a relieved kiss, and Rui smirks as he flips off anyone who cares to watch. Tono knows he's an idiot, worrying about what other people think of _him_ when perhaps he should worry about Rui.

x

If Tono is mirrors then Rui is water. Tono can put on a mask as easily as anyone, and look as real as anyone could want, but it's still all too obvious to anyone who knows their right hand from their left that it's not the truth. They're still impressed by his tricks, though; a smooth-talker, an ass-kisser who knows exactly how to get what he wants.

On the other hand, no-one's impressed by Rui's tricks. They think they can see through him, clear as ice (and probably as cold as ice). They forget water has its depth, dark places where no light wanders; choking and suffocating and _too much_.

But there are warm springs in those waters still. It is not easy for others to see, especially when they are nowhere near the dark themselves. Still – all Alices live in the dark, eventually.

x

Tono sees

Rui choking and suffocating and overwhelming Tsubasa with himself, how much he laughs and grins and likes it when Tsubasa curses and hates – what other attention could he expect

Rui quiet, not at all smiling, not at all laughing, dreaming of a world where he could expect more

Rui close with the others, his family of the Dangerous Abilities; Tono sees him hugging Nobara, melting her ice after an evening's awful work - ice must feel warm to other creatures of ice

Rui dark and terrible in those places no adventurer can survive; crushing pain and black marks and the rush of causing pain

(Rui sleeping beside him, chasing away nightmares because he's convinced he is worse)

_more than that._

**X**

_a/n: So as I said over two years ago, when I posted the first two chapters, this was never supposed to be published. See, I really like thinking about Tono/Rui and what a horrible relationship they must have - a stretch in itself, since they haven't even been seen talking in canon - and doodled a few drabbles/oneshot outlines about them. Then I collated all my Tono/Rui fragments and was like, "holy shit this is 6000 words?" So then I posted that! The end.  
_

_But then recently I bought a lovely new laptop and transferred my fic files over, and discovered YET ANOTHER PILE OF TONO/RUI WORDS. So, uh, yeah. Also I was not joking, it has literally been more than two years since I posted any Gakuen Alice fic. Although I am not sure this counts as fic, it is more like... word vomit._


End file.
